Daily Life of The Akatsuki
by lordlosslove
Summary: Ever wonder what happens with the Akatsuki when they aren't on missions? Check out here how they interact with each other and live their lives, practically as one big family... that hates each other. *Warning: Harsh Language because Hidan is a potty mouth* Hidan: Hey! It's not just me. Tobi: BAD HI-CHAN!
1. Chapter 1

_**LLL- I hope people enjoy this one. The dialogue style changes a lot. Please let me know if it's too much.**_

They walk through the threshold. "This is our new hideout for the time being," Pein states.

"I LIKE IT!" Tobi runs into the darkness.

Deidara clears his throat. "Just one question. Why the hell are all of our hideouts abandoned caves!? Hm."

Pein raises an eyebrow. "Did you have somewhere else in mind?"

"I can easily make us a house with my art."

Itach walks past them. "You expect us to live in a house of your exploding clay..."

 **Deidara** :

 **Itachi** :

 **Deidara** :

 **Sasori** : Quit you complaining. We've been running for hours. I'm tired.

 **Kakuzu** : Aren't you a puppet. How do you get tired?

 **Sasori** : I get tired of seeing your damn face.

 **Kakuzu** : Am I wrong if I kill him.

 **Pein** : *sigh* "Yes"

 **Tobi** : "Not everyone is immortal like you Kaku-chan!"

 **Kakuzu** : Actually Tobi, most of us are immortal...

 **Kisame** : He's right

 **Sasori** : I am.

 **Hidan** : Yeah me too

ZETSU: That's right

 **Zetsu** : He's got you there.

 **Itachi** : ...

 **Konan** : Not here.

Deidara ignores their conversation and runs to the middle of the cave. "I call dibs on this spot. Hm."

"But Die-chan!" Tobi whines. "That's the driest place in the cave. Can I sleep with you?"

He snuggles against Deidara. It takes every inch of the blonds being not to kill him. "No Tobi!" He settles it with a vicious kick out of the cave.

Konan attempts to ignore the usual antics. "This place is pretty big."

"Its too dark to see the back of the cave," Itachi mumbles.

 **Deidara** : why don't you use your stupid sharingan to see the cave.

 **Itach** : *sigh* Sharingan doesn't do that. The byuakugan does.

 **Deidara** : How useless. Hm.

 **Kisame** : Deidara, shut the hell up. You've been running your mouth for 3 hours straight. I think my ears are bleeding.

 **Deidara** : I will hurt you.

 **Kisame** : I'd like to see you try.

 **Deidara** : Let's go fish boy.

Itachi grabs Kisame's arm. "Not now."

Deidara shoves his hands into the bags of clay and they start munching. "You dare order me!"

"OH NO! Deidara's going to explode our hideout again!" Tobi runs in a circle and then hides behind a rock.

"Deidara!" Itachi yells.

"What!" When he looks up, he sees Itachi's sharingan and is suddenly in the middle of what appears to be hell. "Shit..."

Everyone looks at Deidara as he stands mindlessly in the middle the cave.

"How long you gonna keep em like that?" Kisame asks.

"Not sure."

"AHHHHH!" The yell comes from the other side of the cave. All eyes are averted to Pein. "Who's turn was it to do groceries?!"

"Sasori!" Tobi cheers.

"Shut the hell up Tobi. It was Deidara's turn."

Pein is twitching with anger. "You guys are a team so you _both_ are supposed to go!"

 **Sasori** : "Tch, what do I care. I don't need food."

 **Pein** : I need food!

 **Kisame** : I need it too.

 **Itachi** : I need food... and medicine.

 **Hidan** : What you motherfuckers need is Jashin.

 **Tobi** : *GASP* HI-CHAN! Language.

 **Kakuzu** : Shut the fuck up Hidan. You eat most of it.

 **Tobi** : *GASP* KAKU-CHAN! PEIN!

 **Hidan** : You shit-wipe, whose side are you on!?

 **Tobi** : *GASP*

 **Pein** : *boiling anger* Do I need to add another swear jar!?

 **Kisame** : Deidara's just going to blow it up again.

 **Itachi** : He said it was an accident.

 **Kisame** : And you believed him!?

 **Itachi** :

 **Kisame** :

 **Itachi** :

 **Kisame** : Moron

Pein rubs his head in an attempt to drive away the migraine and growling of his stomach. "Itachi, Kisame. You two do the shopping tomorrow."

"What!" Kisame immediately jumps to argue.

Pein groans in annoyance. "Why can't you just say, 'yes leader'."

"Because that's fucked up!"

Tobi runs to him. "*GASP* KISA..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP TOBI!" The blue man turns back to Pein. "Why do we have to go?"

"Because Itachi always gets the best stuff."

"Why can't you send someone who _doesn't_ need rest. Someone who is immortal. That way they can go and not worry about rest."

Everyone looks to Hidan and Kakuzu. "No," Kakuzu says. "I have seven hearts. That doesn't make me impervious to exhaustion."

Tobi nods. "Fair arguement. What about you~~~ Hidan?"

"I will use you all as sacrifices to Jashin."

"It's settled," Pein grumbles. "Sasori and Hidan."

The scarlet head boy simply side glances to Hidan and Pein then shrugs his shoulders. There's no point in trying to debate this. He won't win. Besides, he needs some time away from these idiots.

"Fine," Hidan pouts. "But I need money"

"Ask you partner," Pein says, laying in Konan's lap.

Hidan inches closer to Kakuzu, his hand sliding to his partners pocket. "If you lay one of your hands on any of my money, I will cut off your head and sew it to your ass."

Hidan inches away. A small piece of leather hits him in the head. He looks at the ground and picks up a wallet, then looks in the direction it came from. Sasori is sitting on the ground. "We'll just use mine. It's not like I need money for anything anyway. I steal everything I need."

Hidan runs over to Sasori and latches on to him like a scarf. "This is my new partner!" He sticks his tongue out at Kakuzu.

Sasori's annoyance cannot be expressed on his face. "He doesn't even die. *sigh*"

"Sasori is your WHAT!?"

"Die-chan's back!" Tobi cheers.

"Itachi!" Hidan looks over to where he last saw Uchiha only to find both him and Kisame asleep in a corner. "Fuck."

 **Deidara** : I'm not pairing with strings and needles over there.

 **Kakuzu** : Oh, because I was simply jumping with joy at the thought of working with a brat like you.

 **Deidara** : Take that back.

 **Kakuzu** :*sigh* Fine. I take it back.

 **Deidara:** Really?

 **Kakuzu** : No now shut the fuck up.

 **Tobi:** *GASP* KAKU-CHAN!

 **Hidan:** TOBI YOU'VE GOT ONE MORE TIME BEFORE I...!

 **Kisame** **:** hey.

All of the noise stops and eyes are one Kisame. "If you guys don't quiet down you're going to wake up Itachi. You remember what happened last time you woke him up right..."

Everyone flashes back to _that night._ Fear strikes them all and the cave is suddenly quiet.

Deidara stands with his hands on his hips. "HA! I'm not scared that of long hai-nmmmmm!" Sasori has thrown his hand over Deidara's mouth and drags him to the floor, trapping him in a headlock.

 **Sasori** : Shup up, Deidara. You had nightmares for 3 nights straight and I had to stay next to you."

 **Deidara** : Shhhh! No one knows about that!

 **Hidan** : _Everyone_ knows about it.

 **Kakuzu** : Knows about what?"

 **Deidara** : Nothing...

 **Hidan** : That Deidara is a bitch.

 **Kakuzu** : Oh... I think you've got him beat then Hidan

 **Deidara** : HAHAHA!

 **Itachi** : *shifts next to Kisame*

 **Everyone** : *silence*

It has hit that time of night where those who sleep are snoring and those who don't are waiting. Sasori stands and goes outside, looking into the sky as he does every night whether its clear or rain. Hidan watches him stand in the moonlight. Kakuzu walks past Hidan and throws a wad of cash in his lap.

"Don't waste it on shit."

Hidan smirks. "Whatever."

Zetsu surveys their surroundings to assure those who need to, can sleep peacefully until the next day of task comes around.

 _ **LLL- Yay? If people want then I can do another chappie and include a Q &A. Whatever readers want. If you want Q&A just leave your question in the reviews with the person's name that you wanna ask. For example Hidan, Why is your hair white**_

 _ **Hidan- That was the worst example ever.**_

 _ **LLL- You got something better!?**_

 _ **Hidan- Yeah! Deidara, why are you so fucking annoying?**_

 _ **Tobi- *GASP* HI-CHAN**_

 _ **Hidan- *chases after Tobi***_

 _ **LLL- Uhm... review please ^_^ If not, i'll deem this a oneshot and go on with my fics.**_


	2. Shopping

_**LLL** \- 2nd Chappie. Only one person reviewed a question but it's a good one._

 _ **Hidan** : Yeah! What? You guys don't like us or something? It's because you need to convert to Jashinism. Then you motherfuckers will have better taste._

 _ **Kakuzu** : I really don't think that's the issue._

 _ **Hidan** : That's exactly what a nonbeliever would say!_

 _ **Tobi** : Uhm... Kaku-chan, Hi-chan has that strange look in his eyes again._

 _ **Kakuzu** : *sigh* You want a cookie?_

 _ **Hidan and Tobi** : You bet!_

 _ **Pein** : Where the hell did you get cookies?!_

 _ **Kakuzu** : I bought them. It's the only thing other then sacrifices that makes Hidan shut the fuck up._

 _ **LLL** : Do you guys mind if I get on with the fic..._

 _ **Kakuzu** : _

_**Pein** : _

_**Hidan** :_

 _ **Tobi** :_

 _ **Itachi** : She doesn't own Naruto in any way, shape, or form. _

* * *

The next morning, the air is cool and damp. Everyone is awake except for Deidara. Pein walks to the entrance of the cave and looks into the sky with Konan at his side.

"When do you want to go after the 3 tails Jinchuuriki?" she asks.

"I will send Hidan and Kakuzu on the job tomorrow but for now I need Zetsu to finish scoping out the..."

"GET THE HELL UP!" Sasori's voice echo's through the cave. Everyone's eyes are drawn to him as Deidara is kicked 3 feet into the air.

He lands on cave floor with a grunt. "What is wrong with you!"

"What's wrong with me!? THIS is what's wrong!" Sasori holds up a puppet he's been working on. It's covered in Deidara's exploding clay. There is white sticky clay in every crevice.

"Whoa." Deidara smiles knowingly. "So you've finally realized what true art is. Hm!"

The puppet master's face is as red as his hair. "I'm goING TO KILL YOU!"

Deidara sees the death in Sasori's eyes and gets up to run for it. "What the hell! I didn't even do anything!"

"You screwed up my shit you pyroidiot!"

"I know it's shit but..."

"AHHH!" Sasori yells off his anger and connects his chakra string to Deidara, causing the blonde to lose control of his body.

Deidara screams in terror. "AHHH! Pein! Get him!"

"All Mighty Push!" Pein's jutsu sends both Deidara and Sasori spiraling into the wall. "Sasori, what is you reasoning for attempting to kill Deidara."

"He...put... his stupid clay all over my puppet and ruined my latest project." Sasori explains, prying himself out of the rock.

"I didn't do shit. I wouldn't dare touch that shit you call art."

"Sasori, do you have proof?"

"Well... I... didn't exactly see him, but who else would it be."

"I will not tolerate you trying to kill people on a hunch. You make your puppets all the time. Just make another one. Besides, you stay up at night, wouldn't you have seen it?"

"I don't stay in here!"

Pein face palms. "Did anyone see what happened to Sasori's puppet?"

 **Tobi** : *raises hand* OH OH! I did! Deidara put clay all over it.

 **Sasori** : *growls*

 **Deidara** : *cowers*

 **Tobi** : Because Deidara sleep walks!

 **Deidara** : I what!

 **Kisame** : Oh yeah. And he talks. Like, has full conversations with himself."

 **Deidara** : How.. how long have I been doing that!?

 **Kisame** : Only a few nights actually

 **Hidan** : HAHA! Remember that one night he was all, 'Not the clay. Anything but the clay!'

 **Kakuzu** : What about that other time when he was singing...

 **Hidan** : Oh yeah!

 **Kakuzu and Hidan** : Explosions. You are my baby. My one and only baby. I will take you all night and..."

 **Deidara** : WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP! And why the hell didn't anyone TELL ME?!

 **Kisame** : Forgot

 **Hidan** : It was hilarious

 **Kakuzu** : Didn't give a fuck

Sasori growls, grabs his puppet, and chucks it an impressive distance out of the cave.

Deidara makes the seal of confrontation with his hands and smiles. "KATSU. HM!" In the distance is a large explosion, the shock blowing a breeze into the cave.

Tobi stares at the flames in amazement.

 **Tobi** : Ooooo

 **Sasori** : *sigh*

 **Pein** : Deidara you idiot! Do you want us to switch hideouts again. This is a HIDEOUT. Where we HIDE-OUT. But we can't do that if we are found because you're blowing up our surroundings... again.

 **Deidara** : Sorry. I just couldn't resist finally turning Sasori's shit into true art. Because ART IS AN EXP...

 **Sasori** : I'm going out before I kill him. Let's go Hidan.

 **Hidan** : Just a second. I'm almost done with the morning sacrifice.

 **Sasori** :

 **Sasori** :

 **Kakuzu** : Haha, have fun with him.

 **Sasori** : *looks back at Deidara*

 **Deidara** : ..aybe one day he will understand. That there is nothing more..."

 **Sasori** : I'll take it. How long will this take, Hidan?

 **Hidan** : 10 more minutes

 **Deidara** : ..he end. But I will be more careful.

 **Sasori** : Why is he still a member?

 **Deidara** : You know you love me

 **Sasori** : Actually, I think you annoy everyone...

 **Tobi** : I like Dei-chan! But he's a scary partner.

 **Itachi** : I like him too

 **Deidara** : I DON'T NEED ADMIRATION FROM THE LIKES OF YOU! *storms out of cave*

 **Itachi** :

 **Kisame** :

 **Itachi** : Was it something I said?

 **Kisame** : Yes.

 **Itachi** :

 **Hidan** : Ok. I'm ready!

 **Sasori** : That wasn't ten minutes.

 **Kakuzu** : Hidan can't tell time.

 **Hidan** : Can too!

 **Kakuzu** : How many seconds are in a minute?"

 **Hidan** : FUCK YOU! Lets go.

Hidan storms out of the cave, dragging Sasori by the arm.

"Stupid Kakuzu. Always talkin shit like he knows everything. He's nothin but a non-believing money-loving fucktard."

"That asshole Deidara, always piping off about his stupid explosions. He doesn't know art. True art is the beauty of not being held back by age or exhaustion."

The two walk a good ways into the forest after venting their feelings. Hidan stops in his tracks. "Uhm... Sasori? Where the hell are we."

"Well let me see." Sasori scans the parameter. "Trees. Trees. More trees. Oh a rock! Trees. I don't know." He turns around. "We've been walking straight the entire time right? We can just head back to the hideout and ask Pein where we..."

"NO! We can't do that. Then Kakuzu is going to bask in my uselessness without him. We can find the market on our own."

"If you insist but it's most likely that way." Sasori points to the left.

"No buddy, I'm sure it's that way." Hidan points to the right.

They glare at one another. "We came from the right when we got here last night and passed nothing so it's got to be to the left."

"No! We came from the left!"

Hidan crosses his arms. "There's only one way to settle this."

"Right."

Both hold out their hands. "Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot."

Sasori raises an eyebrow. "What the hell is that?"

"Jashinism symbol. Nothing beats Jashinism."

"Whatever."

The two begin running Hidan's direction in silence. They stay alert for any enemies of other villages and the sun beams down on their heads. Sasori stops in anger. "We've been running for an hour!"

"We've been running for 10 minutes."

"You really can't tell time."

"You can't see the path of Jashin."

Sasori sighs and face palms. "Maybe I just hate people in general"

"Sasori! Hidan! What are you two doing out here?"

They look up at a tree and see Zetsu hanging down.

 **Hidan** : We're shopping

 **Zetsu** :

 **Sasori** : *sigh* Zetsu, where is the nearest market?

 **Zetsu** : About 30 miles in the opposite direction.

 **Sasori** : *glares*

 **Hidan** : *smiles*

 **Sasori** : Well great. Now we need to run back.

 **Zetsu** : If you guys need help, I can get you there.

 **Sasori** : That'd be nice

 **Zetsu** : OK, wait here for a second. *sinks into tree*

 **Hidan** : 1...2...3...4...

 **Sasori** : What the hell are you doing?"

 **Hidan** : Counting to 1 second.

 **Sasori** : For the love of Jashin

 **Hidan** : That's the spirit!

 **Tobi** : Hey you guys!

 **Both** : AHHH!

They turn around in shock to see the orange masked guy.

Zetsu appears in the ground in front of them and Sasori glares at him. "What is going?"

"Tobi can get you there quickly."

"I'd rather walk!"

"You're welcome." Zetsu sinks back into the dirt.

Tobi puts his hands in the air. "Let's go pals!" In that instant, Hidan and Sasori feel their bodies warping. Their limps feel as if they're spaghetti and their stomachs twist. By the time they blink their eyes they are on the ground again.

Hidan is bent over in sickness. "Tobi," he chokes, trying not to throw up. "I told you to warn me before you do that!"

"I can make you a puppet if you'd like." Sasori offers. "We do not get sick."

"Proper sacrifices cannot be made without the perfect body."

"Which is why I'm offering you the perfect body."

"YOU MUST..."

"Hey you guys look!" Tobi runs off into the small town where the market it buzzing. The two follow behind him.

 **Hidan** : He's not gonna leave is he?

 **Sasori** : I don't think so

 **Tobi** : Wow! This looks cool! What is it?

 **Vendor** : It's a spear. Used by only the greatest worshipers.

 **Hidan** : Worshipers of who!?

 **Sasori** : Oh boy

 **Vendor** : Hmm? Let me think... Now what was his name...

 **Hidan** : LORD JASHIN?

 **Vendor** : Yeah... yeah that was it. Jashin!

Hidan thinks back to Kakuzu's words. ' _Don't spend it on shit.'_

"I'll take it!"

Sasori grabs Hidan's arm and drags him away. "We're here to buy food. Not shit!"

Hidan pulls Sasori. "Where's Tobi?"

They look around frantically but see nothing.

"Where do you think he went?"

"I don't know! Where would you go if you were a Tobi?"

Their eyes scan the market.

"Hey! What are we looking for?" Tobi whispers. They turn around and see the spear in his hand that they were just looking at. "Here you go Hidan." Tobi smiles

Sasori raises an eyebrow. "How did you get that?"

"I bought it."

"Where did you get the money?"

"Off of a table in that building." Hesitantly, Sasori looks over at the building to see ninja thugs walking out angrily and spotting Tobi.

"We can take em!" Hidan smiles.

"Yes," Sasori grabs Hidan's robe. "But we are supposed to be laying low. Can you imagine what Pein will do to us if we blow our cover!"

"M...make Itachi punish us?"

At that thought, the 3 of them run for the hills. Hidan looks back when they are in the forest. "You think we lost them?"

Sasori catches sight of someone in front of them and stops. Hidan and Tobi do as well. 4 men are on tree branches. "Well would you look at this. We've got us some rogue ninjas who think it's ok to take others money."

"How much did he take?" Sasori says. "We can give it back."

"That's not the point pip squeak. No one tries to show us up without getting their asses handed to them."

"You talk big for a nonbeliever." Hidan charges forward but Sasori notice's something is wrong.

"Wait Hidan!" Sasori throws out his hand, sending chakra strings forward but is too late. Hidan is sliced straight through the middle of body, knees and neck, even two of Sasori's finger is chopped off. He falls to the ground in pieces and the thugs laugh.

"What the hell?!" Hidan yells. "What happened?"

"You're in bits and you still don't know? Chakra was lined in the air so thin that you couldn't see it and cut you up! Be more observant!"

"Quit complaining and put me back together!"

"I can't do that stupid!"

"UGH!"

The thugs are no longer smiling. "T-that guy isn't dead. He's talking."

The female gulps. "What the hell is he?"

Sasori places his hand on the ground and two puppets appear. He glances back down at Hidan. 'I'm going to have to carry that idiot back.' "You're going to wish you had not followed us."

He hears more people behind him and Tobi turns around. "Well hello!"

One of the knew Ninja's screams. "What are you guys doing? This is the Akatsuki! Haven't you been hearing the rumors. That rogue ninja group!"

The puppet master sighs. In one swift movement he removes his cloak. The thugs back away when 8 large knives dripping with violet poison spring from his back. "So much for not drawing attention to ourselves."

"They're not human." The female gasps.

Sasori glares at them. Just as he is about to strike a vicious wind blows down on them from above.

"YAY! Deidara's here to save us!"

"You just couldn't resist stripping could you?!"

Sasori looks up to see Deidara on one of his birds. Kakuzu drops to the ground. He is chopped by the chakra strings but easily puts himself back together. He gathers all of Hidan, sure not to leave pieces like last and jumps through the trees back up to the bird. Sasori takes the leap and is on the bird. They take flight.

"We could've taken them."

"I know, but we're supposed to be laying low." Deidara sighs.

"You're one to talk."

"But you're not me. You're smarter then me. You don't get in these situations. If you get in trouble Pein might put you against one of the tougher Jinchuurikis."

"I can take them all."

"That's not the point, hollowbrain,"Deidara snaps.

Sasori looks off into the distance. "How did you know to come?"

"It's been 3 hours. I knew something had to be wrong when it only takes 5 minutes to get to the market from where we are. It's not normal for a time freak like you to be late."

"And if nothing was wrong and I was just window shopping?"

"Then I would've haled ass back to the hideout,but I know shit is about to go down when you get naked." Deidara turns and grabs Sasori's damaged hand. He reaches in his cloak and then puts the fingers in the mouth on his right hand.

"Saso-chan! Look out! I think Deidara is trying to eat you!"

Diedara turns to him angrily. "SHUT UP TOBI!"

Although the two have done this many times Tobi has found a way to make it awkward. Sasori slides his hand out and the two fingers have been repaired.

"It'll take a while to dry you know. But it should hold well until you can recarve them."

"But Saso-chan," Tobi calls. "Aren't you afraid they will explode?"

"Tobi, I'm going to kick you off," Diedara threatens. "It's different clay. I wouldn't use exploding clay on him!"

Kakuzu is on the other side of the bird, repairing Hidan. The Jashinist looks anywhere but Kakuzu's eyes. The red eyed freak hasn't said anything yet and it's driving him nuts.

"If you're gonna mock me then do it already!"

"Shut the fuck up," Kakuzu grunts. "If you're not with me you need to be careful You can't just go around getting shredded."

"I understand why Deidara came, but why did you?"

"Same reason I guess. You can't tell time... or distance... so I had a feeling your dumbass had gotten lost and came along. It wasn't really a...aa...Are you crying!?"

"N-no... Injuustnmmnkknow..."

"Stop sniffling! I can't understand you..."

"This all happened because I'm off with my sacrifice today! PLEASE FORGIVE ME LORD JASHIN!"

"You're actually late on a sacrifice. I never thought I'd see the day."

"*sniff sniff* Ssut dup Kakusu!"

"Haha!"

Sasori and Deidara look over at Kakuzu. It's a rare occasion to see that monster smile. Does he look scary without the mask when he smiles?

"By the way, where is the money I gave you earlier? It doesn't look like anyone but Tobi bought something."

Hidan's face immediately straightens. "Uhm... in my robe?"

"You mean the robe ripped to shreds...?"

"...no..."

Kakuzu sews Hidan together more roughly now. "Deidara, this is our stop."

The blonde looks down, raising an eyebrow. "No it's not."

Hidan is now viciously trying to claw away. "No. no. No!" Kakuzui grabs him by his neck and jumps off of the bird. Everyone looks over the edge and watches them disappear into the trees.

Tobi scratches his head. "Should we be worried?"

Deidara waves it off. "Neh. He'll be fine."

They fly back to the hideout. When they enter the only person there is Kisame and Itachi. They are sitting on the ground eating ramen.

"Where did you guys get food!?" Sasori asks.

"Oh," Deidara says, "Itachi went after you guys were gone for an hour. He bought tons of stuff."

Sasori face palms. "Why didn't he just go to begin with and _how_ are you eating ramen without hot water?"

"Fire style. Duh."

"That doesn't explain the water part."

"Kisame. Duh."

Deidara steps up. "Watch your tone! Always acting all high and mighty because of your stupid sharingan."

"Says the person who has a kekkei genkai."

"That's it Itachi. We're going to settle this once and for all! Hm!"

The Uchiha slurps the last of his bowl and stands. "Challenge Accepted."

Sasori steps in front of Deidara. "Don't pay him any mind. He just needs to take a breather."

"No I don't..."

"DEIDARA!"

The artist takes a step back, then storms out of the cave.

"I don't understand how you can tolerate him as a partner," Kisame grunts.

Sasori shrugs his shoulders and walks to the left of the cave. That's when he sees something strange. It's the puppet he had been working on. It's badly singed and damaged but there is a new, poorly carved arm.

"W-what is this?"

"Oh, that? Deidara went out to find it and has been working on that stupid thing for the past few hours."

Sasori bends to his knees and touches the arm. It really does suck. He then sees the two fingers that Deidara repaired. "He's not a bad partner."

"What was that...?"

"His head isn't on straight, but unlike me that idiot has a heart."

Itachi laughs. "And just like that the puppet turns into a soft teddy bear."

Sasori turns and stands, glaring. "You wanna repeat that?"

"Simply stating facts."

"State another fact like that and you'll die."

"Ooo," Kisame breaths, "Temper."

Nope. That did it. Sasori's temper has been off for the past 3 days and it's been waiting for that one thing to set him off. This might cause a small fight but it'll be worth it. He connects his chakra strings to the puppet and chucks it at Kisame. The blue man picks up his sword, ready to defend. That's when Sasori sees it. But its too late. There is a good amount of exploding clay on the back of the puppet. Obviously Deidara gave up on the carving at some point.

The second the sword connects with it, a huge explosion is sent through the cave. Dust and smoke billows into the air. Sasori has protected himself with Hiruko. He is curious of how Kisame and Itachi faired being that they were in the back. Sasori gets out of his cover and pushes rocks off of himself.

He looks at his surroundings as the dust clears. There is something glowing like red fire. After a while he realizes that it's Itachi's Susanoo shielding him and Kisame. This is the first time Sasori has ever seen it.

Tobi stands in the middle of rocks. "Pein is going to kill you."

Zetsu appears in the ground. "He's right you know."

"What's going on! I saw art! I thought..." Deidara sees the mess after running out of the trees. "What happened?"

"The puppet... You put exploding clay on the puppet," Sasori says.

"Yeah. I made it so that it only explodes if you attack...with...it. Oh no." Deidara looks at Itachi's susanoo, not even wanting to know what happened while he was gone. "I'll take the blame when Pein comes back."

"Don't. Had I not been so worked up, this wouldn't have happened."

"No," Kisame jumps in, "I shouldn't have provoked you."

"It was me," Itachi sighs. "I shouldn't have insulted your feelings about Deidara."

Deidara glares. "You did what?"

"What the hell?" Kakuzu's voice sounds behind Deidara as he walks out of the forest, dragging Hidan in pieces.

"What happened!?" Hidan yells, looking at the crumbs that the cage used to be.

"I'm not dying today..." Kakuzu sits cross-legged on the ground.

Sasori lays on the bed of rocks. "Well, thanks for trying to fix it."

Deidara runs over to Sasori, tripping over countless boulders and lands in Hiruko. "So you really liked it?"

"... the part that didn't destroy the hide out, yes."

"Good enough. It was made by these genius hands of course." Deidara holds up his hands and the mouths stick out their tongues.

That's when the bushes rustle and Pein walks up with Konan attached at the hip. His eyes are unreadable as he looks at the scene before him. Their hideout is in pebbles. Kakuzu is smiling. Itachi and Kisame are inside of Susanoo. Hidan is cut into fractions. Tobi is an idiot. Sasori is shirtless in a puppet and all of Deidara's tongues are sticking out.

He simply closes his eyes and sighs. "Lets go find another hideout."

* * *

 _ **LLL-** I hope you all liked it. This took me longer to write then most fics normally do... Or that I intended this to take but I liked writing it it. _

_**Tobi:** Question time!_

 _ **Itachi:** Wait until she finishes._

 _ **Hidan:** She's been talking long enough!_

 _ **Kakuzu:** You're just excited because the only question left was for you._

 _ **Hidan:** Damn right I am! Annnnnnnnd the question is from Kagewalker, and it reads..._

 _ **Itachi:** If it's for you, shouldn't someone else read it?_

 _ **Hidan:** DON'T FUCKING INTERRUPT ME!_

 _ **Itachi:** *snatches question* It says, Hidan, why is..._

 _ **Deidara:** *snatches question* You don't own anything here! Hm! Ehem, why do you have white hair Hidan?_

 _ **Hidan:**_

 _ **Hidan:**_

 _ **Hidan:**_

 _ **Kakuzu:** This idiot can't even tell time and you ask him something like that?_

 _ **Hidan:** I can tell time Kakuzu! This is just a dumb question._

 _ **Tobi:** *GASP* HI-CHAN RUDE!_

 _ **Kisame:** Don't blame your own stupidity on the question. At least you got one..._

 _ **Itachi:** It's OK Kisame. I'm sure you'll get one next time._

 _ **Sasori:** *sigh* why the hell do I have to be here?_

 _ **Tobi:** NEXT QUESTION! What happened _that night _Itachi was waken up?_

 ** _Hidan:_** _Do we really need to answer this one?_

 ** _LLL-_** _YES!_

 ** _Kisame:_** _Ehem, it all started when Tobi had taken Hidan's cookies that Kakazu bought him. Itachi had already fallen asleep sense we had just gotten back from an assignment after a long day... and it was 2AM and normal people sleep at that time._

"Give them back or I'll kill you!"

"Just one Hi-chan. Pleeeaase!"

"No!" Hidan lunged for Tobi, but of course fell straight through him.

"Kaku-chan, Hidan won't share!"

"I don't care," Kakuzu mumbled.

Hey Tobi," Deidara yawns. "Pass em here, I'll make him change his mind."

Tobi listens and sends the cookies through the air. Hidan fell to his knees. "Noooo!" As soon as Deidara's hand made contact with the box of cookies, it burst into ashes.

"Hehe, problem solved. Hm."

"DEIDARA!"

Hidan started chasing Deidara around the cave.

"Cmon, Hidan. I know you can run faster then that."

"Get him Hidan!" Tobi cheered.

"That's it! No more cookies for anyone. Ever!" Pein yelled.

"Now you're tellin em," Sasori mumbled.

Suddenly no one could move or speak. Their bodies became hot and the atmosphere dark. Itachi stood up from his spot next to Kisame. "The fifth night. This is the fifth night I haven't been able to sleep. Not. Tonight."

 _ **Sasori:** That damn Genjustu he put on us lasted all night..._

 _ **Pein:** It was terrible. I was so tired the next morning that I couldn't move... and I'm the leader. _

_**Deidara:** I couldn't believe a world like that would even happen in a Genjutsu._

 _ **Tobi:** What did you see Dei-chan?_

 _ **Deidara:** I don't even want to talk about it, but just know this. I didn't have my Kekkei Genkai_

 _ **Tobi:** *GASP* You couldn't make art?_

 _ **Deidara:** Not a single explosion. What was yours Tobi_

 _ **Tobi:**_

 _ **Deidara:**?_

 _ **Tobi:** I saw my old friends_

 _ **Deidara:** Old friends... I didn't know you had other friends. Was the Genjutsu bad._

 _ **Tobi:** I relived it over... and over... and over_

 _ **Sasori:** Uhm... Tobi?_

 _ **Tobi:** Oh! Sorry ^_^ It was scary. Itachi you suck._

 _ **Kisame:** Itachi... what's wrong?_

 _ **Itachi:** I don't remember doing that._

 _ **Everyone:** WHAT!_

 ** _Kisame:_** _What do you mean you don't remember. It was a week ago._

 _ **Sasori:** Are you telling us you were never even awake._

 _ **Itachi:** I don't think so..._

 ** _Hidan:_** _Who the hell uses up that much chakra in their fucking sleep?!_

 ** _Deidara:_** _That's it. I quit. I'm moving out._

 ** _Pein:_** _You're not going anywhere._

 ** _Sasori:_** _LET HIM GO!_

 ** _Tobi:_** _HI-CHAN ARE THOSE COOKIES?_

 ** _Hidan:_** _Tobi... stay away from me *runs*_

 ** _Tobi:_** _*chases*_

 ** _Kakuzu:_** _So we're just going to ignore the fact that Itachi almost killed us in his sleep?_

 ** _Pein:_** _Shut the hell up at night and that won't be an issue._

 _ **Kakuzu** : I don't even talk at night..._

 ** _LLL- Well, glad I'm not member of The Akatsuki. Thank you Kagewalker for your questions. They enjoyed answering them and even learned something new. Review you guys and ask questions. Thanks for reading._**


	3. Hot Spring

_**LLL- and we return.**_

 _ **Hidan- it's about time. I was growing tired of waiting.**_

 _ **LLL-I'm glad you missed me.**_

 _ **Hidan- fuck you, I want to answer more questions about ME!**_

 _ **Tobi- Hi-chan, don't be so rude to the author.**_

 _ **Hidan- Fuck her, it's not like she owns Naruto or the Akatsuki.**_

 _ **LLL- *sigh* you've got a point**_

* * *

 **Deidara** : Finally! We are not staying in a shabby cave.

 **Pein** : That's because we don't have time to find a decent hideout. Zetsu spotted Hidden Tree Shinobi in the area.

 **Deidara** : Hidden Tree?

 **Pein** : Yes, it's a small village hidden in the damn trees.

 **Hidan** : ooo that sounds cool!

 **Sasori** : why are you so easily entertained?

 **Hidan** : why are you such a dick?

 **Sasori** : What the hell is that.

 **Hidan** :

 **Hidan** : Nevermind.

 **Kakuzu** : *sigh* Pein, how were you able to even afford a hot spring like this?

 **Pein** : The owner gave us an all expense paid stay...

 **Tobi** : Well wasn't that nice of him!

Deidara jumps from his spot. "Last one to the springs is a piece of shit!"

Pein grabs the back of Deidara's cloak. "If you all value your lives I suggest you keep your clothes on whenever you're within 20 feet of Konan."

Hidan chuckles. "Are you going to assist her to her spring, bossman?"

"Yes. If you have a death wish, go ahead and try to peak."

Konan leans on Pein. "Just so we're clear. If I catch you peaking, I will be the one to kill you."

"Tch, but Pein gets free service."

Kakuzu hits Hidan over the head and starts dragging him. "Just shut up before she rips you to shreds. I don't feel like putting you back together."

"You're the one who did it last time."

They are through the door. Itachi and Kisame follow behind them. Sasori shrugs his shoulders and heads out. Tobi jumps up and hits a sprint. "You're going to be a piece of shit Dei-chan."

"Wait... what! Get back here you masked freak!" Deidara chases after him. The group remove their clothes in a changing room down the hall that connects to the hot spring.

Kakuzu sinks into the water with a deep sigh. "It is nice to finally have a break."

"A break! HA!" Hidan screams from across the room. "It's not like you do anything! All you do is collect money!" He is laying on his back on the stone ground inside of a Jashin symbol made of his blood with a spear through his chest.

"Being your partner is the most exhausting job anyone could ever get."

"Eh," Sasori intrudes, "It wasn't a walk in the park but he isn't worse then Deidara." Sasori sits on the edge of the naturally heated water with his feet floating. "I don't understand the relaxation in this."

"That's because you have no sense of feeling. It's a shame. This is nice." Kakuzu tells him.

"I feel bad for you," Hidan says, yanking the spear from his chest. "You can't feel the honoring pain that Jashin allows us."

"I think I can live without such... _pleasure_."

Itachi and Kisame are across from Sasori, lounging in the water as if the other's aren't there. Deidara slowly walks up to the pool from the changing room.

"Look like the shit is you," Kisame jeers with his eyes closed.

"Shut up fishboy! Tobi isn't here!"

"Quit picking with him, Kisame." Itachi mumbles.

"Yes mom."

Deidara puts one toe in the water and pulls back. Sasori raises an eyebrow. "What's your problem?"

"I..it's hot."

Sasori fights to hold back a laugh. "Just get in. It's not bad."

"You can't even feel it!"

"How can someone who is so fond of explosions, WHICH involve fire, be afraid of a little hot water," the blue man teases.

"Kisame," Itachi warns for the second time.

"I'm not afraid!"

"Can you put on a shirt?" Kakuzu sighs. "That thing on your chest is disturbing."

"You have four fucking faces on your back! If I have to put on a shirt, you have to go hide in a hole."

"Well can you at least sew up the mouth on your face too-blubblubblubblub..." Itachi pushes Kisame's head under the steaming water. When Kisame comes back up he is staring at the water curiously. "What is it?"

"There's something down there."

Everyone gets to their feet, standing next to their partner and stare at the water. "Did you see what it was?" Kakuzu asks.

"No, it's too dark."

"Damn, and I left my exploding clay in the changing room."

Sasori places a hand on Deidara's shoulder. "I think that's alright."

"Ok," Kisame breaths, ready for excitement. "I'm going in."

"Why can't Itachi just use his stupid visual prowess." Deidara pouts.

"For the thirteenth time, I don't have the byuakugan!"

Just as Kisame is about to dive in the water a huge splash sends water from the pool. When the steam settles, Tobi stands in he middle. "Haha! I sure got you guys!"

"Tobi you piece of shit!"

"No die-chan, you're the shit, remember!"

"I'm going to kill him!"

Sasori has a good grip on Deidara's wrist, not letting him go into the water. "Hey Tobi, you're supposed to take your clothes off in a spring..."

"Oh really?" Tobi scratches his head. "Oops."

"Lemme at him!"

"If you insist."

Sasori releases him and Diedara splashes into the water. Immediately he leaps up with red skin. "HOT!"

"hahaha!" Tobi doubles into the water with laughter.

Deidara overcomes the slight stinging and goes after Tobi. "What the hell are you laughin-blublubblub." "Get back h-blublubblubblub..." "What are you trying to hide under that-blubblubblub..." The two wrestle in the water until Deidara takes them both under. There is silence as the group watches. A full minute passes.

"Uhm, should we go in and get them?" Hidan asks, scratching his head.

Tobi hops out of the water laughing and then Diedara. "Give me back my towel!"

"Gotta catch me first Dei-chan!"

"Shit."

"Is the water more comfortable for you now?" Sasori asks, sitting back down.

"Yeah." Deidara sighs.

"Here," the puppet master tosses his partner a towel.

Deidara's eyes lighten. "Thanks."

 **Kisame** : but seriously... what does Tobi hide under that mask?

 **Sasori** : I don't know. I've always wondered that myself

 **Itachi** : I asked Pein once...

 **Kisame** : And...?

 **Itachi** : *chuckles* he threatened to kill me...

 **Hidan** : So basically you got nothing.

 **Deidara** : I say we catch him by surprise and rip the mask off.

 **Hidan** : I'm in!

 **Kakuzu** : Fuck both of you

Hidan and Deidara leap next to one another with grand smiles. "So we ambush him when he is back in the changing room." Hidan grins.

"Yeah! And we rip the mask off and view his face!"

"And then we stab him with a spear and sacrifice him to Jashin!"

"Yeah!... wait what?"

Hidan grabs Deidara's arm. "Cmon lets go!" And the two are off.

"Wow," Kisame laughs. "Those two would make perfect partners."

"Yeah," Kakuzu nods, "If Deidara learns how to sew. A lot."

Sasori shrugs with a sigh. "Nah, I don't think they would mesh very well."

"Why do you say that? Gonna miss your little artist?" Kisame sings.

In the changing room there is a mini explosion and Hidan's screams echo through the hot spring.

"No. They're both idiots."

Another crash is heard, followed by Tobi's laugh.

 **Kisame** : What do you think he's hiding?

 **Kakuzu** : Probably just an ugly mug.

 **Itachi** : I think we should just respect his privacy.

 **Kakuzu** : So now you're the gentleman who respects privacy and manages to invade minds at will against others will.

 **Itachi** : Your point...?

 **Kakuzu** : Oh nothing. Just bringing it up since we're on the topic of respecting privacy.

 **Sasori** : I've always wanted to hear your baggage Kakuzu. You're so quiet and reserved. I've never seen you explode on anyone but Hidan. Go on. Speak you mind. I wanna here this.

 **Kakuzu** : Look who's talkin. I don't recall you spouting out your feelings...

 **Sasori** : This isn't about me.

 **Kakuzu** : It is now.

 **Itachi** : Wait... you guys. It's a bit quiet don't you think?

Everyone becomes silent themselves and realizes Itachi's statement. There is no longer any noise coming from the changing room. As they are looking towards the door, the two step through it. They are completely dazed and naked...

"Hey... what's wrong with you guys?" Sasori asks, standing.

They don't reply and the silence becomes eerie. Then, they both fall to the floor, unconscious. Sasori runs to Deidara's aid in a heartbeat. Kakuzu is also out of the pool next to Hidan as well. Kisame and Itachi have run to the edge as well. Sasori shakes his partner, narrowing his eyes.

"This isn't right. They are unresponsive, but their eyes are open. It's like their conscious but passed out."

"That doesn't make any sense." Kakuzu mumbles.

Itachi floats back to his spot. "The idiots probably knocked each other out."

Sasori feels Deidara twitch and his right eyes blinks... Only the right eye. He knows that Deidara has been working to perfect his right eyes to see the through genjutsu. Sasori places his hand on Deidara's chest and pumps chakra into him. "Release!"

Deidara gasps for air and sits up sharply.

"What?" Kakuzu groans. He does the same to Hidan. "Release!"

Deidara looks at Itachi and bursts at him with all of the chakra in his body, aiming to kill. A wall of water splashes up, protecting Itachi.

"What's your problem now?" Itachi sighs.

"Don't act dumb. You put us under a genjutsu."

Itachi wears a confused yet annoyed expression. "What...?"

"Yeah," Hidan yells, ready to draw blood. "I'm sick of your shit, Uchiha."

"Wait a second, morons," Sasori calms, hopping in the water and wrapping a towel around Deidara's waist. "Are you saying Itachi put you two in a genjutsu?"

"Damn right we are!"

Itachi raises an eyebrow. "No I didn't."

"It wouldn't be the first time you've put us in a genjutsu without realizing it."

"Well yeah... but..."

"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan yells.

Kakuzu puts a hand over the Jashinist's mouth. "Do you want to be put under another genjutsu?

"There's no way Itachi could have done that." Kisame defends angrily. "He's been here talking with us the entire time and there's no way he could have done it without being aware. Right Itachi?"

"I would assume so, but if they were put under a genjutsu then we should assume that we aren't alone in this spring after all."

"I would believe that," Deidara hisses, "If you weren't the last Uchiha."

"He's not. His brother still lives," Sasori points out.

"So you're insisting that your brother is here right now." Hidan questions.

"That... couldn't..." Itachi looks off to the side, memories invading him.

"Hey," Kakuzu calls, getting Hidan's attention. "Where the hell is Tobi."

"Oh, right. I was in the genjutsu so long that I forgot about him."

"Long?" Itachi questions. "How long were you in?"

"You should know!" Deidara cries. "Two days! Three days tops."

"What the hell?" Sasori jumps. "Dei, you've only been gone for..."

"I know! But I've been taking hits for 2 days."

"It... couldn't have been Sasuke. Only the Mangekyo can do that. He doesn't have it... yet." Itachi says, in deep thought.

"So it was you! I'll make sure to... to..." Deidara falls unconscious and Sasori catches him before he hits the water.

"His chakra is completely sapped."

"Yeah, we're weak." Hidan groans, sitting down.

Itachi stands up. "I don't know what's going on but I'm going to find out. No one hurts you guys but me."

* * *

 _ **LLL** \- Well that is it for now._

 _ **Hidan** \- Questions!_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Calm your tits._

 _ **Hidan** \- Never!_

 _ **LLL** \- Uhm, OK, so question one. This is for Pein, What do you and Konan do when you're alone. From, Israel Pena._

 _ **Pein** \- *blushes* Well, technically we're never alone... _

_**Deidara** \- Lies! You two are always alone. You send us off on missions all at one time._

 _ **Pein** \- Well... Shut the hell up Deidara!_

 _ **Deidara** \- *baby voice* someone's embawassed..._

 _ **Pein** \- Almighty Push!_

 _ **Deidara** \- *flies out of room*_

 _ **Konan** \- *sigh* We sit around and watch netflix._

 _ **Kakuzu** \- What! You're in the wrong time!_

 _ **Itachi** \- Netflix? What is that?_

 _ **Pein** \- Well it this really cool thing where..._

 _ **Kakuzu** \- DONT TELL HIM! We shouldn't even know what that is._

 _ **Kisame** \- Oh lighten up. I'm sure it's not bad._

 _ **Sasori** \- Morons... Next question. It's for Kakuzu, why do you like money so much? From Loner72_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Tch, why do you wake up in the morning. Why do you breath fucking oxygen? Money is the only thing that keeps the nations operating. It's the only way people can eat. It's the ruler of life that people overlook_

 _ **Hidan** \- And this is why you're such a clueless bitch! Jashin is the decider of life and death! Your priorities are fucked._

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Says the person who barrows money from me every chance he gets_

 _ **Hidan** \- Jashin is all I need to live_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Oh really?_

 _ **Hidan** \- Yeah._

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Yeah?_

 _ **Hidan** \- Yeah_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Wanna cookie?_

 _ **Hidan** \- YEAH!_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Ask Jashin ya little fuck._

 _ **Kisame** \- ooooo that hurt. I could feel that from here, Hidan_

 _ **Sasori** \- wooo, I smell burnt Jashinist_

 _ **Kakuzu** \- Money rules all_

 _ **LLL** \- Well, I guess thats all for now. Review ^_^_


End file.
